Today I will resist Temptation.
The Temptation to quote.
The Temptation to reproduce.
The Temptation to borrow.
Because today I will give you the stark naked truth of our lives that I have been meaning to let you into for a little lazy time now. . .
It is an epiphany... that struck me... Not as a bold lightning , not as an electric current passing through the existence of the helpless , not as the iron of a blacksmith will strike , not as a sword will at the hour of surrender....
This has struck me as an accumulation of droplets turned into an ocean over the years and finally washing my ignorance away with waves of truth. . .
My life - in retrospect has been a prolonged cold spell where warmth was a much coaxed visitor. I have come to realize that I was being unaware to what was behind the curtain, on the outside of the tall glass windows.
The awry room of my lifehouse seems more real and coming to life as I write this. I can hear voices. Voices that amplify and turn into sounds which neither feel good nor bad. This neutral state was a veil. A veil concealing Chaos. When I was present in the room , I was comfortable with it's arrangement. As I stepped out and got back, things seemed different .Chaos. As if it were a room of a doll house and the hand of the child had slowly inserted itself thru the ceiling and knocked everything down either in sheer ill temper or by the impulse of her mother's repeated shouting of her name signalling to retire to bed and call it a night.
I continued . Continued to let this chaos remain , to such an extent that I no longer thought it odd.
Comfortably numb.
As seasons came and went by and revisted , occasionally I would hear knocks on the window. Oh! Before you wonder why not the door.... there was no door.
I never felt the need for one....so , the window...soon the attempts from the other side to reach me , faded away as a voice of chaos in the background. . .
There I was .
What seemed like just another day turned out to be different.
A strong feeling came upon me . Without any effort I was drawn toward the window. I was led and was being taken, was finally shown. . .
The memory of this journey is what has dawned on me today.
The journey from my bed to the wondow . The window that opened into . . .
I was changing .
The restlessness, thirst and hunger that had been with me all my life, that had unmistably danced through my being........My rage of protest (against what and who?) was crumbling.....
What happened next , was You .
Written in the book named " Memoirs " by Lakshmi Raman
A dedication to her , for being my Angel in Silence
Love you Laku.
