Know me. . .

I thought of starting this with an accusatory tone to show you how you know nothing of me. Nothing of who I was, who I am and who I am becoming, and who I am not. But it suddenly hit me that the reason you may not know is because I did not let you know because I did not show because maybe I do not know? I don't know if these are facade's or if they are an aberration from the reality that I have painted in the colors black and white to you. Cleverly forgetting to show you that all i am is what you will get when you mix the two.
That is where I have grown into residing. I have known myself in the Unknown. With a mind so powerful that my own being cannot stand what it is radiating anymore, it burns. Why am i so unconceivable to myself? Why have I started to know me through you? Through your presence. Through your absence. Through the blind spot that I am waiting at in your life.

Again, I have started to accuse you. Again. I do not know who to blame for what I have become. A disintegration of a Being. Scattered and existing in pieces. Bit by bit I crumble everyday, forgetting how I used to be or looked. Why are you with me? What have you seen that is still keeping you here? What have you felt? How do you even know I exist , because I fail to know anymore.

Cajoling me you came through as some piece of mystery I thought would add the fuel to living that I always seek for.Playing with these bonds so beautiful. Tying me down, tying us down.

You carve from your own self a figure of me that fits into your mind's embrace...

Do you know the storms within me that change the course of who I am with every time they arrive?

I have been so comfortable in this space of Ignorance but now it is talking to me. Calling out to me to know of it. I know now but I do not know how. . .how to handle this or how to be faithful to myself and to who you think i am. . .

Without adding to the chaos, I just hope some day you Know. Know it all.

Where We live is a dimly lit house with only walls and no door, giving no way to reach out to our mortal mind.

That my whole world is but the lonely Ray of the sun. Seeking solace in the moons shadows.

Lighthouse

Strife, difference of opinion, prejudices that thrive between us on parallel lines, walls of stone and creepers with pointed thorns so sharp they could make you bleed. Find me a place they don’t exist. Find me some interaction they don’t cast their shadows on. I cannot help but laugh at them sometimes. The divide in cause in our existence is etched, as it could never be undone. Insoluble questions come jaunting into my mind. They crash as waves in a high tide sometimes. Sometime they come as a stroke with a gentle touch. Even though I emit Light, there is certain darkness inside my depths that only I know of. I ruminate out aloud. That is all I can do? Running the dull errands of everyday living, there is still somehow enough time for these type of thoughts to come pay visit. I sometimes wonder if brilliance comes with being fundamentally unsound. There must be a simpler way, some far from laborious way through this all. I stand tall. I feel the birds perch on my deck, I know they wonder of who gives me the much required companionship when all is dark and all is silent. This ocean with me is the only teacher I really have. Well, you must ask if she considers me a disciple but I’d rather you don’t. I sometimes wonder if the ocean is in me or I am in the ocean . . .

(To be contd.)