A gift in time

This piece of creation was gifted to me by a dear friend on my birthday a few years ago. This is a letter to her. Not just a letter in gratitude but with an intention of kindling a certain fire in her that I know when ignited will create magic.

Dear Bishakha,

The day you gifted me this neither of us realized the deeper significance behind this. This has been on my wall until now. I would wake up and stare at it sometimes. I never got around to ever knowing why you portrayed this and not something else. I still do not know what was in you when you birthed this. But it has evoked many different emotions in me and taught me some lessons too. 

When I saw it two years back, I thought you captured a soul hugging the stalk of a tree in the midst of a deep forest hiding her self away. Away from the world because she feared something. She yearned a certain freedom which she knew was within her but still some where out of her reach and hold. 

When I see it today, I see someone who is totally at peace with her nakedness (in every way ; mind soul, body and beyond) and seeks inspiration from nature to maintain her sanity. She is throwing her self and hugging nature in surrender and with love. Fears drop and there is so much more space for learning and expression. 

Every day as I wake up and stare at this, I know I have evolved because what I see in this beautiful image in front of me too is evolving with me. It has taken me so long to recognize this and even longer to share this with you. 

So NO, your act of creation was not futile. It has sown a seed in my life that has blossomed into a beautiful lesson and it will only continue to flower as life unfurls. I sincerely hope you never stop creating and realize that you have a wonderful gift within you. Use it well for yourself and the universe.

Love,
Ray 

Infinity calling

My element has always been Fire. That sheer restlessness and need to constantly be on the move. Watch as things catch fire and crackle and crumble. But the ocean has been calling me. The sun is no longer something I want to protect myself from. I want to soak in the rays of the sun. Let it seep through every pore of my being. The ocean is calling me fiercely and I give in.I watch the gentle waves kiss the shores. I observe the ocean from a distance first. Her grace manifesting in the birds flowing onto the waves , the reflection of the sun in her body and the sounds of the infinite waves touching the shore together. 

I am no longer able to be just an observer. I want to be the experience. I walk up and slowly start letting myself into her arms. The water is sun kissed- warm. The sands are soft beneath the soles of my feet. I somehow cannot get my eyes off the sun as I start to use my body to carry me forward into her. Getting deeper, I find the darkness of the water increase. Darker shade of green. I cannot see too much but I know my feet have well lost their grounding. As I swim towards the sun, I do not want to stop. The sun radiates its energy into the horizon and I am certain every wave that is born from there carries this radiance all the way to where I am. Touching my body. This energy is different. It is not the same as sitting on the sands and soaking up. What I feel is the power of the sun and the ocean together. Some madness that makes me want to not stop. Some force that does not let me fear the depths of the ocean. 

As I become the experience , I am taken over. I reach far enough to not recognize faces on the shore anymore. I throw my hands back and feet up and look at the sky. Shut my eyes. I can hear the ocean. I am suddenly overwhelmed at the life the creatures in the ocean must have. As I open my eyes and look around me. Unable to fathom the depths of the ocean I realize what infinity could be. I am but a spec in this vastness. Insignificant. Finite. 

As I breathe in the smell of the ocean, I feel like I have taken in a small part of this infinity. As I waddle around the water, trying to belong here, trying to make myself comfortable - I know that it is going to take time. Every thing that is part of this infinity is infinite in itself first. The sun, the moon, the ocean, the living world beneath. 

Immersing myself in the ocean, I can feel my water element take over the fire. Slow and steady. 

I will keep coming come back. Closer to this infinity. Until I am one with it. Completely.

~ Ray 

Be your own...

Be your own guest - 

Walk to your own door 

Receive your self with the same passion

you would wait for the arrival of your lover.

Be your own sun

Bask in your own warmth

Feel your insides melt and embrace you

like melting in the hands of your lover.

Be your own moon

Waxing  in the madness of your being

Dance to your own tides as the rise and the fall

of you making love to your lover. 

Be your own muse

Inspire the corners of your mind to create

nurture, destroy and recreate like you would 

trip on the madness of your lover. 

Be your own cause

Fight, bleed, look fiercely in the eye of the storm

let nothing touch your reason to live for yourself

as you would die trying for the last breath of your lover. 

Be your voice

scream in your art, sing in your paintings, say it in silence 

say it exactly as you would mean it 

in every aching letter to your lover.

Be your own addiction 

increasing the dose with each day passing,

getting high on the possibilities of your being

an endless vessel you are compared to the finite depths of your lover.

Be your own God

worship the divinity in you, but do not fear the Shakti in you 

dance to the dervish in you as you would

bow down to your lover.

Be your your source 

of all the ecstasy, of all the pain-

be the cause and the healer as you should

be your own lover.

~ Ray  

Be your own...

Be your own guest - 

Walk to your own door 

Receive your self with the same passion

you would wait for the arrival of your lover.

Be your own sun

Bask in your own warmth

Feel your insides melt and embrace you

like melting in the hands of your lover.

Be your own moon

Waxing  in the madness of your being

Dance to your own tides as the rise and the fall

of you making love to your lover. 

Be your own muse

Inspire the corners of your mind to create

nurture, destroy and recreate like you would 

trip on the madness of your lover. 

Be your own cause

Fight, bleed, look fiercely in the eye of the storm

let nothing touch your reason to live for yourself

as you would die trying for the last breath of your lover. 

Be your voice

scream in your art, sing in your paintings, say it in silence 

say it exactly as you would mean it 

in every aching letter to your lover.

Be your own addiction 

increasing the dose with each day passing,

getting high on the possibilities of your being

an endless vessel you are compared to the finite depths of your lover.

Be your own God

worship the divinity in you, but do not fear the Shakti in you 

dance to the dervish in you as you would

bow down to your lover.

Be your your source 

of all the ecstasy, of all the pain-

be the cause and the healer as you should

be your own lover.

~ Ray  

Knot free

The hair was growing longer. Each strand was kissed by him. Each end of each split had so many roads to choose from. Chaos resonated from each wave. It had been about 365 days since no scissor had touched this head. After she met him and he had a head that mirrored hers, she thought she never would cut those strands ever again. Their heads together and formed a big heart of madness. In that kingdom of sweet smelling marijuana rhymes and rush hour on local train night times ~ with every time they came together they tangled in each other a little more. The strands held on so tight and pulled her down. Kept her feet on the ground. Together they weaved dreams of dreadlocks and hemp clothes. But they couldn’t escape the epidemic of the knots. She did not know when tangled become entangled. She did not know when sweet love turned into sweet pain. Yes pain can be sweet when you like cavities. Deep dark cavities you can hide secrets in. He invited himself out of her head as fast as he came in uninvited. Left with her own head she walked into the summer heat. The sun burnt, the sand kissed, the salt in the ocean ticked wounds. She kept walking on as her head got heavier. Without him her strands started to wither. Rough were the roads and rough became her hair. She would tie them up in oil and cream before she went to bed. But would wake up with them all out and scattered. They could not be tamed. Their madness was taking over her. And one day, she could not take it. She had to do it. So she did. Let a magician cut them away. Dead they lie waiting for him to come back and grow them back to life. 

My lover is the wick of that candle

My lover
is the wick
of that candle.

He burns himself
to spread Light
into this universe.

Have you ever felt
what the candle feels
when alone and not ignited?

Even candles love company
of lovers dining
of children in the darkness crying
of travelers seeking
of prayers speaking

My lover
is the wick
of that candle.

He burns himself
to spread Light
into my being.

He is growing shorter
as the wax melts on the stand
unable to contain itself.

He knew the end
right from the start
but he still chose to burn.

Such agonizing beauty
that can be seen and felt
but never captured

Such love that gives
without leaving a mark
and no trace

O! My lover
is the wick of that
candle

He lit my life
woke me up
from 25 years of slumber

He burns
burns bright
to spread his light.

~ Ray

I am a Kaleidoscope

As time teases us 
And we pull away
From the window 
That led me to you
And you to me 

I flee inwards
To find a piece of glass 
I can frame
And see you through 

I find stained glass pieces
Of colors many
Shapes many
Edges fiercely sharped many

Gathering them
I wonder what
I can turn myself into
A window ? A door?

I build another window
But I don't see you
I build another door
But I don't find you

I resign
Re-design
Myself into an instrument
That shows patterns

My fragments of colored
Scattered pieces
Come together to
Tell different tales

See me through me
I have broken inside
But these patterns you see
Are my fix .

I am a Kaleidoscope
Come look
Into me
And help me see him
In some patterns
In some colours

~ Ray